花自飘零
我的祖国
小禅 发表于 2008-04-12 11:11:11
看到网上有人放的duke大学反藏独的示威，心里很是感慨。西方国家的人鼓动闹事也就算了，自己人却也跟在后面狐假虎威着。我是不能听那些个歌的。我的中国心啊，还有刘德华唱的那首。一听眼泪就要掉下来。从小到大，其实并没这么深刻的体会过这种感觉。人来了美国，与美国人相处了，才明白这恨有多深，才明白这爱有多切。我的祖国啊，祖国。什么时候才能够强大起来，什么时候才可以不再受这气。
我相信，在我有生之年，一定可以看到这一天的。
下面是duke大学校报报道的当天的情况。
Pro- Tibet, pro-China protesters clash on quad
Crowds of upset protesters flooded the Chapel Quadrangle Wednesday evening, interrupting a planned candlelight vigil supporting freedom in Tibet.
Members and supporters of the Duke Human Rights Coalition, let by juniors Daniel Cordero and Adam Weiss, marched from East Campus to West Campus, Tibetan flags in hand, to advocate for the region's freedom from the PRC.
In response, protesters bearing sings and Chinese flags filled the Chapel Quad,, expressing patriotism and criticizing Western media through chants and song.
When the pro-Tibet faction arrived outside the Chapel, protesters swarmed them en masse with chanting and shouting.
"We felt really intimidated. They're violating our right to free speech," Cordero sadi. "It's really the microcosm of what's going on in China. Just like China's suppressing free speech, so the pro-Chinese protesters were suppressing free speech today by trying to block all our signs, yell louder than us and use space that was reserved for us."
Since the Chinese army crossed into Tibet in 1949, people from around the world have worked to counter the country's hold on the region. The alleged in humane treatment of Tibetans has caused years of debates and protests.
"Tibet is a part of China and we want the Western media to tell the whole story, not just the negative parts of the story, because that's ridiculous," said Jin Huang, a graduate student at North Carolina State University who came to Duke Wednesday with a group of other Chinese supporters ."They only tell about how the Chinese government is against Tibet, but not about how we helped Tibet."
Many protesters pointed to signs calling for the separation of the upcoming Beijing Olympic Games and politics and said their purpose was to tell the truth and to counteract damage they sadi has been done by the media. Some supporters of the Chines cause chanted, "One World, one dream, on China," a modification of the Beijing Olympic Game's motto,"One world, one dream."
Proponents and opponents also passed out hundreds of fliers and CDs in attempts to reveal what each side considered the truth, which led to verbal disputes.
"A lot of Chinese nationalists have come to counter protest," Cordero said."They've been sining the Chinese national anthem. I said,"God bless America" and they all booed me. I yelled out," Liberty and justice for all," and they called me a liar."
Baldel Lobsang, a Tibetan monk from Indai who arrived in the United Sates last week, said although he opposes the Chinese government, he still feels love for the Chinese people.
"This is not Peace," he said, gesturing toward the Chinese protesters. "I'm not surprised. I always see this in my country."
Weiss, who was escorted from the crowd because of safety concerns, said he was protesting fro human rights, freedom of religion and the right to speak any language. He arrived on West Campus just after 7 p.m. shirtless and carrying a Tibetan flag.
"I don't know if most Duke students know about this issue -- even know that it's a big deal anymore," he said. "I want people to know what is going on in Tibet, what kind of human rights abuses are going on by the Chinese government, and I believe that it's a personal issue because I'm very interested in this culture."
Officials from the Office of Student Affairs were present at the event, but said they were not aware that the Chinese protesters would be at the vigil until Wednesday morning.
"For me it was gratifying to see there was intelligent dialogue, and i just wish there were more of that," said Vice President fro Student Affairs Larry Moneta. "I was happy that once the protest and counterprotest sort of went down there were actually pockets of very real conversation. For me that's the best thing that could possibly happy."
Many students said peaceful debates and negotiations are in order. Zhizhong Li, a graduate student in molecular cancer biology who works with the Duke Chinese Student and Scholar Association, said a panel discussion about the issue will take place next week.
Crowds of upset protesters flooded the Chapel Quadrangle Wednesday evening, interrupting a planned candlelight vigil supporting freedom in Tibet.
Members and supporters of the Duke Human Rights Coalition, let by juniors Daniel Cordero and Adam Weiss, marched from East Campus to West Campus, Tibetan flags in hand, to advocate for the region's freedom from the PRC.
In response, protesters bearing sings and Chinese flags filled the Chapel Quad,, expressing patriotism and criticizing Western media through chants and song.
When the pro-Tibet faction arrived outside the Chapel, protesters swarmed them en masse with chanting and shouting.
"We felt really intimidated. They're violating our right to free speech," Cordero sadi. "It's really the microcosm of what's going on in China. Just like China's suppressing free speech, so the pro-Chinese protesters were suppressing free speech today by trying to block all our signs, yell louder than us and use space that was reserved for us."
Since the Chinese army crossed into Tibet in 1949, people from around the world have worked to counter the country's hold on the region. The alleged in humane treatment of Tibetans has caused years of debates and protests.
"Tibet is a part of China and we want the Western media to tell the whole story, not just the negative parts of the story, because that's ridiculous," said Jin Huang, a graduate student at North Carolina State University who came to Duke Wednesday with a group of other Chinese supporters ."They only tell about how the Chinese government is against Tibet, but not about how we helped Tibet."
Many protesters pointed to signs calling for the separation of the upcoming Beijing Olympic Games and politics and said their purpose was to tell the truth and to counteract damage they sadi has been done by the media. Some supporters of the Chines cause chanted, "One World, one dream, on China," a modification of the Beijing Olympic Game's motto,"One world, one dream."
Proponents and opponents also passed out hundreds of fliers and CDs in attempts to reveal what each side considered the truth, which led to verbal disputes.
"A lot of Chinese nationalists have come to counter protest," Cordero said."They've been sining the Chinese national anthem. I said,"God bless America" and they all booed me. I yelled out," Liberty and justice for all," and they called me a liar."
Baldel Lobsang, a Tibetan monk from Indai who arrived in the United Sates last week, said although he opposes the Chinese government, he still feels love for the Chinese people.
"This is not Peace," he said, gesturing toward the Chinese protesters. "I'm not surprised. I always see this in my country."
Weiss, who was escorted from the crowd because of safety concerns, said he was protesting fro human rights, freedom of religion and the right to speak any language. He arrived on West Campus just after 7 p.m. shirtless and carrying a Tibetan flag.
"I don't know if most Duke students know about this issue -- even know that it's a big deal anymore," he said. "I want people to know what is going on in Tibet, what kind of human rights abuses are going on by the Chinese government, and I believe that it's a personal issue because I'm very interested in this culture."
Officials from the Office of Student Affairs were present at the event, but said they were not aware that the Chinese protesters would be at the vigil until Wednesday morning.
"For me it was gratifying to see there was intelligent dialogue, and i just wish there were more of that," said Vice President fro Student Affairs Larry Moneta. "I was happy that once the protest and counterprotest sort of went down there were actually pockets of very real conversation. For me that's the best thing that could possibly happy."
Many students said peaceful debates and negotiations are in order. Zhizhong Li, a graduate student in molecular cancer biology who works with the Duke Chinese Student and Scholar Association, said a panel discussion about the issue will take place next week.
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雨啊下吧，我不怕。
小禅 发表于 2008-04-11 09:16:55
晚晴真是美好。下了一天的雨，这时候突然出了太阳。斜斜的，天空一下子就亮了，比正午的时候还要亮。坐在窗前，看映着霞光的白云，轻轻地翻滚着。天的另一边，则还是浓浓的乌云。无可奈何了，这样的天气，总还要持续几天。但给一个这样温暖的傍晚，也就心满意足了。
明天考试，但是就不怎么想看书。不知道为什么，不愿意花力气去背，去记。明知道肯定要考到的，也懒得看。很想读读paper，和不同方向，不同学科的人讨论讨论，想想，挺有意思的。不过算了，眼前的考试，总用点心吧，毕竟还想转学分呢。
回顾了下火影忍者中忍考试那一段。宁次毕竟还是帅的，但是稍嫌废话太多。这一点上比不得佐助。然而佐助话虽不多，装酷的成分太大。这一点又比不得大蛇丸了。淳朴的邪恶，因为实力自己散发的帅气，有时候冒出的经典的话，还有的时候孩子般的举动。难怪以前会和徐剑童讨论如果嫁给大蛇丸会不会幸福。他还是有讨人喜欢的地方的。当然每次看总会有点新体验吧。以前看李和我爱罗打得时候，只觉得不忍心，不忍看。这次留心了那一集的标题，什么“男人的生存方式”云云。洛克李那样的就是男人的生存方式么。心里挺感慨。男人啊，也许给自己的期许和压力太大了呢。但是，怎么说呢。看着依然挺感动的。这样的男人，才真的是我心中的男人呢。呵呵，也许没那么夸张。但是，这种精神，确实是我所中意的精神。
最近藏独的事闹得沸沸扬扬。什么anti-cnn，什么抵制法货（个么我就不买法国香水回来送人了）。法国么，不像这样的呀，怎么这次这么奇怪，还要中国政府和达赖见面呢。要是我能见达赖一面就好了。真想和他仔细的聊聊。他到底是个什么样的人，经历了些什么，在想些什么。西藏大概是分裂不出去的。中国自然没有他容身的地方。西藏，也不会再让他回来。当他经年累月的漂泊在外的时候，是否会想家呢。美国啊之类的，对他到底有多好呢。政治的事情，有多少是说不清道不明。天下像drew一样单纯的小孩很多，而真的在政界的人就一定看的清楚么。所以真想和达赖来个face to face的谈话呢。这些乱七八糟的事，只不过是国力消长的体现罢了。坚持着吧。这过程总有个结束的时候，皇帝也要轮流坐呢。该抗议的时候去抗议，该抵制的时候去抵制，该看书的时候好好看书，也就对得起祖国和人民了。
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想想而已
小禅 发表于 2008-04-05 12:57:59
这几天看显微镜看的快要死过去。不过说了不抱怨了，就不再多说了。。。
有一次突然想起神雕侠侣中那个“十六年后”的字幕，心里很感慨。十六年，对于小襄儿来说，一晃即过，因为相当的时间恐怕都没有什么记忆。但是她的变化也最大，从一个襁褓中的婴孩，出落成一个亭亭玉立的姑娘。对于看着她长大的爹娘来说，恐怕也是一眨眼的时间。因为看着一个孩子长大的时候，时间就会过得像流水一样。十六年的时间，只有对于杨过那样的，才格外的难熬。想着想着，突然在自己的年龄上加了个16，那就是39了，差不多40了！这一想，心里便紧张起来。40岁，40岁啊！从大学开始，时光开始加速，不经意间5年都过去了。今天去跑步，跑步机要输入年龄，我竟然不加思索的按了个18。那一刹那，自己也诧异了。我已经23了呀，怎么潜意识里还以为自己是18呢。。。那时候的记忆那么的深么。18岁，正是高中毕业，考入复旦的时候吧。现在复旦都已经在身后了。时间过得如此之快，几近窒息。这过去的5年，我的成长不止在学习上了，更多的大概是生活的能力吧。开始面对社会，开始想未来，虽然想的这么痛苦，仍然没有头绪，但是再也不是高中时那样一心只读圣贤书了。我也不知道我究竟有没有成长，但至少，开始转变了。这转变，是那么艰难，而没有成就感。那16年后呢，16年间我要经历什么样的事情，什么样的变化，才能让16年后的我洋洋得意，没有后悔呢。说实在的，我也不知道。说事业有成，什么样才算成呢。说家庭幸福，这也不算什么奋斗目标。说容颜永驻，不过自欺欺人。佳佳说，她只能看到未来5年，远了看不见。呵呵。我也看不见。只能把每一个未来5年过得充实，快乐，最后也就充实，快乐了吧。其实生活也许很简单，就是让自己快乐。不管做什么，都让自己快乐。实在快乐不起来，就只好换一行做。做的辛苦，或是做的清闲，都是为了让自己快乐。也许，就这么简单啊。如果这一生回首起来，是充满快乐的，还有什么后悔呢。我怕的只是，想达到一种我没有能力达到的快乐，从而不快乐。我常常想，我能不能像吴聪啊他们那样，拼命的做实验，拼命的实践人生。我觉得我可能做不到。但是我是那样的希望我能做到。所以就很害怕，害怕后悔就此而来，害怕得不到我想要的快乐。当然，现在也是在瞎操心。想这么多也没用，先做着吧。
看某人的签名档，不是“思念的季节”，就是“missing you so much” , 要么就是“我也想你”。肉麻的不行了。虽然嘴头上笑着，但是心里却知道，思念，本来就是这样的啊。虽然看不见摸不着，却依然深铭于心，魂牵梦萦。
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终于告诉老板了
小禅 发表于 2008-03-14 00:26:37
终于和老板说了。老板我决定不来你们实验室了，老板我对不起你。我是要转学。转到uiuc，因为我男朋友在那里。老板我刚刚拿到offer, 所以。。。如果去不了的话，我就打算在这边选一个实验室了，但是，现在我拿到了。。。
我觉得我紧张得脸部表情都扭曲了。以至于一开始跟老板说我要跟你谈谈得时候，她很惴惴的问，你需要我把门关上么？。。。。我真是汗。说到底，总觉得对不起她们。而且在这个实验室也没有多么用心。所以，竟至于这么的惶恐。当然，也和我自己的性格有关。
所幸老板毕竟是老板，满脸的笑容，诚恳地understand，并且说了两句话，第一，没有什么比让自己活得开心更重要的了。第二，最重要的是和自己爱的人生活在一起。于是我就恨不得扑上去抱抱她。于是她就主动站起来抱抱我了。然后我一激动，就踩了她一脚。
我心里面的感动是没法说的。发信给这边的小米，告诉她我要转学。问她还给不给钱。她和系主任商量之后说，给的，给到6月底。我想，妈呀，5月我就走了。这不等于一直pay到我走么。真是没话说了。
一切都那么顺利。大家都那么nice.我真的要克服下这种不好意思的心理，真的。换作感激吧。可惜我也不能像佳佳那样，因为感激从而拼命做实验来报答。现在没有实验做。身体也不太舒服，马上又要考试。唉，有感激的心之后又不能马上付诸行动，也是挺郁闷的。不过anyway，坦然一点吧。事已至此，又能怎么样呢。以后的人生中，可能这样的事还会有不少吧。克服一下下，克服一下下。就像老板说的，让自己活得开心最重要。那么现在也要开心呀。
昨天晚上做了个梦，挺恐怖。拉着根绳子，在很黑很黑的天空，径直往下坠落。快的能感觉到胃一阵不舒服。就好象玩海盗船的时候那样。然后落到底的时候，猛力的又被拉上来，那一瞬间的减速，感觉浑身都散了，绳子也要断了。总之，就一直这么折腾着。在高空拐过一个弯，即将被拉下来的时候那种恐惧，实在是很惊心。这设计，根本就是蹦极。可是从来也没有人在这么黑暗的空中玩过啊。不知道心里怎么会有这样的恐惧。
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offer
小禅 发表于 2008-03-08 13:22:43
终于熬到星期五的晚上。从面试回来后一直都没有心思做事，直到收到offer的那一刻开始，才强迫自己做了一些实验。这些天睡眠都不太足，总是有这样那样的事情。我实在是很想很想痛痛快快地睡一个大大的懒觉。但又总觉得心里还有好多好多的事情，好多好多的思绪，纠结着，积压着。我想好好的想想，却又觉得累。我跨出了我想跨出的第一步，可是瞬间扑面而至的未来，让我没有精神来享受这喜悦。
十来个小时的con-focal，结果就是看到黑暗中的咖啡机上亮的灯，第一反应就是“FITC”！这感觉却并不坏。此刻的我有点筋疲力尽，脑子也很混乱。我在superwalmart看到整排的Naruto，心中涌起的怀旧情绪久久都不能平息。那段昏天黑地在寝室看动画片的时光。想起来，是那么美好，也是那么惆怅。经历的多了，到今天，我惆怅的也不仅仅只是逝去的时光了。想到这一年来所有的思念，所有的申请准备，所有的懒散，所有的不开心，再想到大学里那些颓废的时光，心里又怎么能不酸楚和后悔。复旦的颓废时光，如果说也算少年时的一段典型生活，却真的要为此付出许多代价。时光荏苒，我读书已经读了这许多年。相比于我那些早早离开学校走上社会的小学同学们，我究竟多读了些什么呢。我总该为这一点一滴逝去的青春有所交待。对于一个害怕变老的人来说，更怕的应该是老来之后心有悔意。可惜我还未老，却已羞于回首。这往后的岁月，又岂能不仔细思量。
我忆起那个时候，聪和我商量，他是去UIUC还是去ISU。我不假思索的说，当然去UIUC。我有的是大无畏的精神，却没有在这往后的日日夜夜里守住寂寞的能力。还记得那次聪在喝醉了之后，很伤心的说，他没有去ISU，他对不起我。事到如今，如果真要纠一个人来说对不起，也应该是我了。他有割舍的勇气，更有爱人的能力。若不是有他一路提点，帮助，甚至是敦促，我也不会顺利的走到今天，让团圆近在眼前。我跌跌绊绊的走着，才明白自己是多么的弱，多么的没有力量。这一年的分离对我来说，也许更有好处，也但愿我可以快快的成熟起来，强大起来。
真的有点累。累了。未填完的税表，未发的邮件，未改好的图片，好久没有看的书，没有看的paper。可是我只想，趴在桌子上，安静得听着这安静的歌，很久都不用起来。
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